“Inner worlds could be as rich as those outside.”
I was recently in a Zoom conversation where we were asked to talk about the sources of our inspiration. The assumption is, we don’t just work and read and write all the time. There’s got to be a life outside all of that, something that gives us interesting things to say and a perspective through which we view everything else.
My hands went cold as my mind went blank.
My companions described a rich life outside what we were doing: music, sports, personal collections, volunteer work. I do different kinds of writing, I ventured. I am able to talk to different kinds of people for various writing or editing projects.
Yes, but that’s still work. Anything else?
I racked my brain to say something that was cool and interesting but also true. Is my life so pathetic that I can’t think of anything else I do outside of work? Finally I said, I walk. And play pingpong.
That night before going to sleep I thought about my answer and cringed. Seriously, walking? Everybody walks. It’s just putting one foot in front of the other. Even toddlers walk!
What I wanted to say was that a few months ago I began the habit of walking around the UP academic oval several times a week, in the early morning or late afternoon, as a way of staying healthy. I soon realized that it provided benefits beyond the physical. I was able to behold sunrises or sunsets. These happen every day but we are often too busy to stop and experience them.
But the bigger benefit to walking is the clarity it gives the walker. One thinks about issues, challenges, conflicts, and even aspirations. Reflects on a particular life episode. Recalls something read or watched or heard. Plans and outlines the next steps toward a goal. Come up with ideas on things to write about in whatever form. I return from a walk, body tired but mind bursting.
It’s almost a bonus to rack up several thousand steps.
Admittedly these rainy days I am no longer as consistent as I was during the summer. And then of course classes started and work demands piled up and all the other excuses weren’t too far behind. It’s always a target to make time for it.
I also answered that I played a sport. Sure, I learned to play table tennis in college for PE. Fast forward to many years later, during the pandemic, and the good fortune of our building administration putting up a pingpong table in one of the conference rooms for its residents. I took turns playing with my sons who were then in their late teens/ mid-20s. It was a nice way to pass the days when we were all meant to stay within the confines of the home.
But mobility restrictions have since eased, the boys are busy, such that we only seldom play. The table is folded away at the side of the conference room, which is now being actually used again for real meetings. So, no — not too much pingpong, either.
It’s typical of me to come up with witty or interesting things to utter long after the moment for saying them has passed.
Indeed much of what I write about springs from the work I do – teaching, talking to and observing people, reading the news, pondering what it means to different individuals. I am lucky that this is something I actually like. I guess this is why outside of this I am usually too exhausted to do much else. For recreation, I’m usually happy watching things, conversing with equally low-maintenance people, putting my personal space in order, introspecting, replenishing.
It took a while to stop wondering whether having a hyperactive inner world limited any possibilities for me. But we are who we are, right, and didn’t Rilke write, “And even if you were in some prison, the walls of which let none of the sounds of the world come to your senses, would you not then still have your childhood, that precious, kingly possession, that treasure-house of memories?”
Oh I’d love to do some volunteer work much later, perhaps when the pressure to earn eases. For today, — and I’m not in any sort of prison – there remains an inexhaustible amount of things to make sense of and write about. The bigger challenge is actually finding the time to sit down and unpack away.
