“The reality is the DA’s vow to support the coconut industry is as solid as a coconut shell—on the outside, it looks tough, but crack it open, and you’re left with a lot of liquid promises”
Has the Department of Agriculture finally discovered a way to make coconuts grow faster than political promises?
The DA, with its usual flair for bold proclamations and elusive results, is vowing to restore the Philippines to its former coconut throne, currently occupied by—wait for it—Indonesia.
Because nothing says “we’re back” like chasing after a country that’s already miles ahead in the coconut game.
We’ll just have to wait and see if this latest attempt to revive the coconut industry is anything more than another episode in the never-ending telenovela of Philippine agriculture.
Let’s take a brief (and unpleasant) stroll down memory lane, shall we?
The Philippines was once the undisputed king of coconuts, producing enough to quench the thirst of the entire world.
But as the coconut trees aged, so did our global standing.
Senile trees, poor replanting practices, and a government that seemed more interested in collecting slogans than planting seedlings led to a steady decline.
Meanwhile, Indonesia, our coconut nemesis, decided to take the lead, leaving the Philippines to cling to the consolation prize of “Second-Largest Exporter.”
It’s a title we hold dear, mostly because it reminds us of the glory we once had but no longer deserve.
But there’s no need to panic!, baroks!
The DA has a plan.
And it’s as ambitious as it is likely to succeed—which is to say, not very.
Undersecretary Roger Navarro, in a display of optimism that only a government official could muster, declared, “We have been quite declining in the global stage, but we will return.”
Ah, the classic strategy of acknowledging failure before making promises that will undoubtedly be forgotten by the next coconut harvest.
To achieve this coconut renaissance, the DA plans to plant 100 million coconut trees by 2028.
Yes, a mere 100 million, because if there’s one thing we’ve learned from past agricultural promises, it’s that numbers on paper grow much faster than actual trees.
But let’s give credit where it’s due.
The DA isn’t just planting trees; they’re also planting hope.
Hope the government and private sector will suddenly discover a magical synergy, solving problems like low prices, stiff international competition, and the minor detail of senile trees.
And let’s not forget the logistical challenges, because nothing says “we’re on top of things” like a port congestion issue that can turn a coconut shipment into a game of “Will It Arrive Before the Next Election?”
Of course, there are reasons—quixotic, improbable reasons—why the DA’s plan might just work. Perhaps coconut farmers will suddenly find themselves showered with government support, free from the burden of land ownership disputes and the struggle for a decent market price.
Maybe the global demand for coconut products will spike overnight, propelling the Philippines back to its rightful place atop the coconut world.
Or, in a truly miraculous turn of events, the DA will discover that the key to agricultural success isn’t in the number of trees planted, but in the number of press releases issued.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
The reality is the DA’s vow to support the coconut industry is as solid as a coconut shell—on the outside, it looks tough, but crack it open, and you’re left with a lot of liquid promises.
In the spirit of constructive satire, here are a few recommendations for the DA:
Invest in Time Travel: Since the best days of the Philippine coconut industry are behind us, why not focus on going back to when we were on top? It’s a surefire way to reclaim our global standing—if we can just figure out how to make a time machine out of coconuts.
Slogans Over Seeds: Why bother with the messy business of planting when you can simply create catchy slogans? “Coconuts for a Brighter Tomorrow” sounds like a winner, and it doesn’t require any actual coconuts.
Partnerships with Reality: Instead of aiming for 100 million trees, perhaps a partnership with reality would yield better results. Let’s focus on managing the trees we already have, supporting the farmers who grow them, and ensuring our coconuts don’t end up as another export statistic in someone else’s success story.
The DA’s vow to support the coconut industry is a classic case of promising the moon when all we really need is a sturdy ladder.
So here’s to the DA, the coconut industry, and the grand tradition of making bold promises that are just a little too high to reach.
If nothing else, it’s bound to be a cracking good time.
