Ghosting has, unfortunately, become rampant in today’s dating culture. For the uninitiated, “ghosting” happens when a person cuts off all communication without an explanation, without an acceptable reason.
In mobile dating, this can be classified in the context of digital departure. Not receiving texts, calls, chats, email, or any other form of communication from someone they are deeply attached can be utterly upsetting.
A person who ghosted someone admitted to not understanding “exactly how I felt at the time,” so instead of trying to talk it out with the other person, “I ghosted.”
A study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences identifies that social rejection activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain. In fact, a person can reduce the emotional pain of rejection with a pain medication.
Navigating relationships online is a gamble enough as it is. But what are the reasons why this sigh-inducing practice prevails in digital world?
Unpredictable rewards
According to a study, the element of unpredictable rewards is associated with the use of some dating apps. Users do not know when, while swiping, they will match with an individual they find attractive. And users do not know when, after engaging in a conversation, a match will respond.
The thrill of the unknown is hardwired in humans. We are deemed attracted to unknown and lose excitement over too much familiarity. Neurobiological models have suggested that the algorithm of reward learning is associated with dopamine.
They sense the other person is terrifying to deal with
This doesn’t happen often, says Susan Kolod, a psychologist in New York who specializes in relationships and sexuality. But it can be a reasonable response to fear—when a person is worried, they’ll be always bugged. Or sometimes, when they find out that the other person is not compatible, the safest way to exit the relationship is to cut ties and say nothing at all.
The person doesn’t know what they want
There is a chance that “ghosters” are still head over heels with their ex or simply can’t make up their minds. The idea is they are just testing the waters and you simply didn’t make the cut.
“I used to disappear when it was all I thought it was [a fling], or I got scared of finding what I wanted,” said another person who ghosted someone.
To reduce the likelihood of getting ghosted, dating app OkCupid offers matching strategies based on non-traditional questions and it pushes for meaningful and lasting connections.
With multiple questionnaires and preferences, the app’s algorithm is programmed to match people based on their similarities which translates into a compatibility rating. They accomplish this by diving into both the shallow and deep aspects of a relationship without forcing people to self-evaluate.
With this range of questions, users get a chance to share different stories about themselves as well as help the system in identifying the right matches.
“It’s true that meeting someone online is tricky since it’s so easy to put up a front. But with OkCupid we encourage people to be their authentic selves with our mix of questionnaires and preferences so that we can match those with similar interests and personalities,” said Melissa Hobley, OkCupid’s spokesperson and chief marketing officer.
“Let us help you find common topics and interests to help make that first impression really count,” she enthused.