"Cursing is actually a sign of higher intelligence. It makes you happier, healthier, and more honest."
The Baguio City Council passed an Anti-Profanity Ordinance in September, which bans cursing in places frequented by children and students, including schools and universities, computer shops, arcades, and other business establishments.
It bans any expression of profanity, which it says includes “blasphemous or obscene language; vulgar or irreverent speech or action; expletive, oath, swearing, swearword, curse, curse word, cuss-profane or obscene expression.”
It prohibits these acts whether they are directly or indirectly spoken to anyone or used as an expression.
Holy sh*t! Burnham, Kennon, and Hay must be turning (and cursing) in their graves. Their beloved “summer capital” has been taken over by the Taliban. A cursing ban? How un-American.
While I agree that people shouldn’t curse, the important point is the ordinance is clearly unconstitutional and against a basic individual right.
The Bill of Rights clearly reads: “No law shall be passed abridging the freedom of speech, of expression…”
In case the mayor and council haven’t read the constitution, or don’t realize we have one, freedom of speech means freedom from interference, suppression, or punitive action by the government—and nothing else.
Freedom of speech includes the freedom not to agree, not to listen, and not to support one’s own antagonists.
Some say that the law is needed because cursing hurts people. Of course it does. But come on. No one dies because of it. There is a huge difference between an exchange of curses and an exchange of blows. The line of demarcation between freedom of speech and freedom of action is established by the ban on the initiation of physical force. “Sticks and stones can hurt my bones, but words will never harm me.”
In fact, according to many scientists, cursing is actually a sign of higher intelligence. It makes you happier, healthier, and more honest.
As private citizens, we cannot use physical force or coercion; we cannot censor or suppress anyone’s views or publications. Unfortunately, only the government, which has a monopoly on the use of force, can do so. And censorship is a concept that pertains only to governmental action.
Rumor has it that the controversial parking structure being built in Burnham Park is actually a concentration camp for offenders. Bars of soap have also been seized by the newly-installed morality police. Released offenders have been seen walking like zombies along Session Road, with white mouths chanting, “I will not curse, I will not curse.”
US midterms
A record number of Filipino-Americans voted in the US midterm election, and Republicans and Democrats have heard from it a clear message: they’re doing just fine; don’t change anything.
“Look at those gains in the Senate!” said President Trump, “Tremendous! People clearly want bombastic fear-mongering about immigrants and lots of arguing with the press. And we’re going to keep giving it to them until we ride to an even greater victory in 2020.”
“The American people clearly love our incoherent yelling at Trump and everyone near him,” Democratic Representative Nancy Pelosi stated about their win in the House and gains in governorships. “We’re going to do nothing but scream and belittle all Trump supporters until Trump is gone in 2020.”
When the losses were pointed out to the two parties, they each had easy explanations. “Some candidates just didn’t spend enough time talking about how great I am and how I’m right about everything,” President Trump explained. “Rookie mistake. Probably cost us the House. Sad.”
Democrats think voting data showed them where things went wrong. “We determined it’s Filipino Trump supporters and white women that are the problem now,” said Democratic consultant Marvin Mullins. “So obviously the path to an even greater victory is to scream at them and tell them we hate them.”
Both parties are now very excited for the next election, as presumably are Filipino-Americans, illegal Filipinos in America, and Filipinos elsewhere who like to comment on US politics but aren’t US citizens anyway.
KENDI Plan
Last Halloween, trick-or-treaters flooded streets, gated communities, and malls across Metro Manila in a beloved and borrowed American tradition. Children joyously knocked on doors and received candy at most of the houses in their neighborhood—most of the houses, that is, except for those of politicians.
Politicians cheerily opened their doors each time children knocked and cried out “Trick or treat!” and greeted them, commented on their costumes, and wished them a happy Halloween. Then, they pulled out their large bowls of candy, reached out their hands, and took from the children who had a lot of candy, and placed the children’s “donations” into their bowls for later redistribution to the less fortunate.
“What a nice Ironman costume you have!” a senator said to one boy. “Although I’m always a little disturbed by the large selection of costumes made possible by corporate greed, US imperialism, and the evils of capitalism, I still appreciate your spirit. Now hand over the candies, hijo.” The senator then dug into the kid’s bag and pulled out over 40 percent of the kid’s haul, lecturing the boy on the need to be generous.
Of course, the senator doesn’t provide his redistribution services for free: he takes a “small tax” out of his collection before carefully redistributing the candy based on his fair and equitable KENDI Plan, which he draws up every year.
The senator still can’t figure out why kids kept avoiding his house altogether.
