By now almost everyone has heard of Xian S. Gaza, the fellow who put up a billboard asking actress Erich Gonzales out for coffee.
At first many saw the gesture as sweet and romantic. The narrative was this: here’s the CEO of a company in Hong Kong who says the actress is his only “desire” and that he wants to meet her. He publicly declares this on a billboard.
For someone to spend all that money on a billboard must mean that the fellow is serious about his affection, right? It was a Cinderella story but with a modern twist, with Gaza cast as Prince Charming.
Not only was the billboard Xian’s way to catch the attention of the object of his obsession. He also used social media, posting a selfie he’d taken with Erich the one time he met her, as well as a photo of a set of Bobbi Brown makeup that he said he bought as a gift for Gonzales.
But when the initial thrill of the fairy tale had worn off, logic kicked in. Wait a minute, said many netizens, this is creepy and manipulative. It seemed to them that Gaza was pressuring Gonzales to acknowledge him and his obsession. In our culture of hiya, it would be shameful to embarrass the fellow after all the effort he went through and expense he incurred.
Gonzales herself, who is out of the country, when contacted by writer Darla Sauler about the matter, gave a neat reply, saying the gesture was “cute” and that there seemed to be no harm in going out for coffee as long as she was accompanied by Sauler. This is a form of the standard polite answer that most women give when they are being importuned by men.
What do we make of Gaza’s use of the billboard in this manner? Billboards have been used for personal purposes before. People have rented them to communicate wedding proposals, love avowals, and even for revenge (search ‘cheating husband billboard’). But in those instances, the people involved know each other and have an existing relationship. This is the first I’ve seen it used as a way to get the attention of a crush.
The billboard also serves to call attention primarily to Xian himself; is this a narcissistic act to stroke his ego or gain his fifteen minutes of fame? Or is it merely a ploy to sell coffee (Gaza is said to have a kape alamid business)?
The situation deepened. People came forward who know Gaza, who worked for him, who did business with him. Allegations of fraud and scamming in the line of business emerged. Gaza himself, on his Facebook page, acknowledges that he declared a false bankruptcy to avoid paying partners and employees. Jessica Cruz, mother of another actress, Ella Cruz, also revealed that Gaza had been similarly obsessed with her daughter some time ago and had defrauded them as well.
Now it seems that Gaza is not simply the Prince Charming at people at first thought he was. Can his use of the billboard to catch Erich’s attention be interpreted as stalking? Stalking does not necessarily involve a person following the object of obsession around. It is, broadly, “unwanted or obsessive attention,” according to an online source.
Xian’s billboard and makeup gift might also be seen as ‘love bombing’. In a negative sense, it is a tactic of control and manipulation, used by “abusive narcissists who [try] to win the confidence of a victim.”
This bit of trending news, like all the others, will die down soon, as is usually the case with social media’s short news cycle. But this incident should serve as a lesson and a warning. Some actions might at first seem benign or even commendable, but the intention behind them might turn out to be questionable.
Also, if there is any doubt at all, even the slightest, of any negative repercussions or consequences, don’t do it, don’t go there. Women, in particular, are subject to manipulation, coercion, intimidation, and pressure. Resist. Keep your personal safety paramount. If it feels creepy or manipulative, trust your intuition.
No makeup kit nor cup of coffee is worth all this sort of aggravation, and behavior such as this, no matter how flattering it might seem, should not be rewarded.
Dr. Ortuoste is a California-based writer. FB: Jenny Ortuoste, Twitter: @jennyortuoste, IG: @jensdecember, @artuoste
